I signed up for the quest because I've heard about it from Martin Shaw when I was at Schumacher's College, and I found it fascinating to do solitary fasting. It is a self-contemplating ritual while getting close to death. Nuttarote Wangwinyoo (Nutt) who was certified as a vision quest leader from the Boulder Institute for Nature and Human Spirit (USA) has organized this event annually in Thailand. As I got to know him personally, I finally managed to go this year.
Before the event, we were told to say good-byes to our loved ones, to ask for their gifts, and to get our matter settled in case we don't come back. It's like preparing oneself for a pilgrimage.
My quest started even before I arrived to the Karen village where we would start our inner journey. I had never let anyone coach me even though I got to know one of the best life coaches in Thailand--Nutt--well. To me, being coached was mere emotional shortcuts, quick fixes for spiritual journey that one had to go through by oneself.
A week earlier in a workshop, out of nowhere, I crashed into my vulnerability spot, my tears started rolling, and Nutt saw it. He later said that he just wanted to keep me company but what he essentially did was to coach me, and it indeed help me see myself more clearly. As a result, I felt closer connection with him. At the brain level, "being seen" did not frighten me. I actually enjoyed the experience of discovering myself.
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| Photo credit: Nutt |
After the quest, I realized that I didn't really want anyone to "get" to my soul before I. My ego probably was protesting and yelling at me that it felt threatened. After all, there is another set of nervous systems in the gut.
Our quest group was small compared to the previous years: 8 non-locals, a local teacher, two local students and a Korean university student. Six were ex-questers. Our journey leaders were Nutt and Peung. Mong was a general manager for our group. The youngest one was 16 and the eldest one 45.
The first night was spent at the Karen village called Baan Sob Lan, 2-hour drive from Chiangmai airport, north of Thailand. We slept with villagers who also cooked for us. They grew rice, raised pigs and buffaloes. Cash was earned by selling wild honey and hand-woven clothes and assisting hikers into the woods.
On the first day, we mostly settled in and got to know each other. Nutt and another quester played a guitar, and we sang in the candle light (no electricity in this vacant house though the village was on the grid). Nutt briefly introduced the vision quest. Ex-questers told us about their last quests and what happened afterwards. So transformative that they came back.
In the woods, we listened to the folk lore of the jumping mouse, metaphorically referring to us, questers. Though symbolically beautiful, I didn't find it that inspiring. Perhaps I concentrated on translating Thai to English for a Korean girl too intently or maybe I was simply too cynical. Now I knew why I was called a raccoon; I got strangers to become new friends.
We also learned about the teaching of the medicine wheel which describes four life stages: red for summer or youth which is full of vitality and love of one's own body, black for falls or adolescents who are self obsessed, prone to depression, and concerned with one's image, white for winter or adults who are full of responsibility and selflessness, and yellow for spring or celebration. We were asked to contemplate which stages of lives we were in and had a small group discussion. I found myself in the white/winter and lacked the red; I am very likely not playful enough because I was often attracted to playful folks. If I already have that characteristic, I wouldn't find them so appealing.
We stayed together in the woods for two nights to get ready for the solitary retreat.
To be continued.
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