สรุปการอบรม (ภาษาไทย) ที่ทางผู้จัดได้กรุณาส่งมาให้
Because I have caused so much sufferings to so many people I've spoken to, and I make a living mostly with spoken words, I've decided to check out a two-day nonviolent communication workshop offered by Semsikkhalai. Today was my first day. It was filled with interesting mixes of people: trainers of a large corporation, people who rarely express their points of views that their bosses send them here, housewives with communication problems with their husbands, freelancers, a dad who wanted to communicate better with his young son and a dentist whose wife dragged him along.
I must admit that I got bored during some parts of the workshop but decided to stick around anyway. I told myself that at least I could observe my boredom...
During the last two hours of the training, things got more stimulating. We broke into 4-people groups. Each of us took turn telling a personal story about a difficulty or conflict that we faced (now or in the past). I just didn't have anything to say because I don't really have any ongoing problems at the moment. Of course, there are glitches in my life but they didn't get me depressed. When I heard stories about their relationships with their mom, their coworkers or their family, I felt really fortunate that now I am at peace with myself. One person who was a medical doctor said he didn't know what his life was for. Isn't it sad? How lost I would have been if I were in his shoes? And with that kind of really important job of treating people, yet he doesn't feel that his life has a goal.
Our task in this exercise is that after telling our own story, the speaker had to identify how he himself felt (e.g., discouraged, sad, happy,... We were allowed to select only the top three), and the rest who were listening had to guess the needs of the speaker. We had cards to help us identify our feelings and our needs. After everyone got to talk, we were asked how we felt when our friends could correctly identify our needs and how we reacted when they didn't, and how we felt when we could correctly guess what our speaker friends needed. I just didn't feel a thing whether or not they understood me or I got them right. I just realized that it was more important that I knew myself really well. And I understand myself better and better as I practice cultivating awareness.
When I can catch up with how I feel at the moment, I feel I have more control on my urges. For example, during the workshop today, I saw that I wanted to speak up at so many instances but I resisted it because I knew that my classmates probably wanted to hear our workshop instructor more than hearing me.
I don't think I'm a snob but I feel that awareness is a much more powerful and comprehensive tool in effective communication than many psychological techniques that I've learned in the workshop today. Of course, with enough practice, these techniques do work well, but I don't think they're very robust and getting right to the root cause of the problem. For example, today we learned to distinguish between feelings and thoughts. To me, they were the same, and I had a hard time telling them apart when we were doing exercises. The point of identifying them was because thoughts can be the same, but our reactions to the same thought can be different, depending on backgrounds, our moods... The reason why I doubt its benefits in telling them apart is that I don't think I'd want to use my brain in identifying thoughts or feelings when I engage in a real conversation. Again, with practice, we can multitask and it becomes natural...
We also learned that we should express our needs, as opposed to our means. While the need may be in line, the means may be different and we may fight with each other even if our needs are alike but we're too stuck in our means. And we were taught some guidelines on how to identify the means, PLATO: person, location, action, time, and object.
I also feel that, at the end of the day, it's not just the spoken words that count but also our tone of voice which are reflection of our own feelings. Without awareness, it's like I know all the techniques but I don't know the timing. Using their words, I need both the effective communication skills and I also the "heart."
Many issues that I have are unanswered. What can we do to people who don't talk? I was told that I need to establish trust (e.g., building stronger bridges) first. How I can give criticism without offending listeners? To this, the teacher replied, that was taught in the 3rd level workshop. It's not that the instructor was profit seeking, but the technique itself is very step-by-step, very linear. Anyhow, perhaps I'll feel better about it after the second day.
I must admit that I got bored during some parts of the workshop but decided to stick around anyway. I told myself that at least I could observe my boredom...
During the last two hours of the training, things got more stimulating. We broke into 4-people groups. Each of us took turn telling a personal story about a difficulty or conflict that we faced (now or in the past). I just didn't have anything to say because I don't really have any ongoing problems at the moment. Of course, there are glitches in my life but they didn't get me depressed. When I heard stories about their relationships with their mom, their coworkers or their family, I felt really fortunate that now I am at peace with myself. One person who was a medical doctor said he didn't know what his life was for. Isn't it sad? How lost I would have been if I were in his shoes? And with that kind of really important job of treating people, yet he doesn't feel that his life has a goal.
When I can catch up with how I feel at the moment, I feel I have more control on my urges. For example, during the workshop today, I saw that I wanted to speak up at so many instances but I resisted it because I knew that my classmates probably wanted to hear our workshop instructor more than hearing me.
I don't think I'm a snob but I feel that awareness is a much more powerful and comprehensive tool in effective communication than many psychological techniques that I've learned in the workshop today. Of course, with enough practice, these techniques do work well, but I don't think they're very robust and getting right to the root cause of the problem. For example, today we learned to distinguish between feelings and thoughts. To me, they were the same, and I had a hard time telling them apart when we were doing exercises. The point of identifying them was because thoughts can be the same, but our reactions to the same thought can be different, depending on backgrounds, our moods... The reason why I doubt its benefits in telling them apart is that I don't think I'd want to use my brain in identifying thoughts or feelings when I engage in a real conversation. Again, with practice, we can multitask and it becomes natural...
We also learned that we should express our needs, as opposed to our means. While the need may be in line, the means may be different and we may fight with each other even if our needs are alike but we're too stuck in our means. And we were taught some guidelines on how to identify the means, PLATO: person, location, action, time, and object.
I also feel that, at the end of the day, it's not just the spoken words that count but also our tone of voice which are reflection of our own feelings. Without awareness, it's like I know all the techniques but I don't know the timing. Using their words, I need both the effective communication skills and I also the "heart."
Many issues that I have are unanswered. What can we do to people who don't talk? I was told that I need to establish trust (e.g., building stronger bridges) first. How I can give criticism without offending listeners? To this, the teacher replied, that was taught in the 3rd level workshop. It's not that the instructor was profit seeking, but the technique itself is very step-by-step, very linear. Anyhow, perhaps I'll feel better about it after the second day.
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