I read somewhere that when we say we're in love, it's not that we l-o-vvv-ee that one particular person per se, but we just cherish the way that person makes us feel. I guess this is why we want to possess him or her to sustain that good feelings.
In Thailand, most Vipassana teachers are (male) monks, and most dhamma practitioners (laypersons and nuns) are female. Naturally, males and females are attracted to one another, like the opposite poles of a magnetic field. When one relies on another person so much for emotional support and spiritual guidance, the line between teacher-student relationship and romantic love becomes unclear. At the tip of the moment, if one is not careful, the feeling of devotion and trust can turn into possessiveness, too much dependence and selfishness.
What was alarming to me was that it doesn't matter how long one has been practicing dhamma or staying at a monastery. Anyone can fall into this trap...
It was a tragedy to me to witness one being so preoccupied with one's own desire that all senses of priority and appropriateness were lost. I suppose I should not underestimate the strength and complexity of sexual attraction. But to be so absorbed into one's own needs so as to forget about the well-being of that very object of affection is rather frightening. Does love not mean Metta---loving kindness, friendliness and goodwill? If "love" means he has to say such and such to please me and do this and that to satisfy me, then what shall we call that state of feeling? Anything but love?
Nevertheless, as is said above, "all conditioned phenomena arise and cease." I personally believe that disappointments and sufferings are good learning experiences (if we don't die out of frustration before then). If we grit our teeth and bear with it, or even better, patiently observe and not manipulate whatever feelings we have, this too shall pass.
In Thailand, most Vipassana teachers are (male) monks, and most dhamma practitioners (laypersons and nuns) are female. Naturally, males and females are attracted to one another, like the opposite poles of a magnetic field. When one relies on another person so much for emotional support and spiritual guidance, the line between teacher-student relationship and romantic love becomes unclear. At the tip of the moment, if one is not careful, the feeling of devotion and trust can turn into possessiveness, too much dependence and selfishness.
What was alarming to me was that it doesn't matter how long one has been practicing dhamma or staying at a monastery. Anyone can fall into this trap...
It was a tragedy to me to witness one being so preoccupied with one's own desire that all senses of priority and appropriateness were lost. I suppose I should not underestimate the strength and complexity of sexual attraction. But to be so absorbed into one's own needs so as to forget about the well-being of that very object of affection is rather frightening. Does love not mean Metta---loving kindness, friendliness and goodwill? If "love" means he has to say such and such to please me and do this and that to satisfy me, then what shall we call that state of feeling? Anything but love?
Nevertheless, as is said above, "all conditioned phenomena arise and cease." I personally believe that disappointments and sufferings are good learning experiences (if we don't die out of frustration before then). If we grit our teeth and bear with it, or even better, patiently observe and not manipulate whatever feelings we have, this too shall pass.
Comments