I came to understand why rational thinking does not lead to behavioral changes, at least not at the fundamental, instinctive, level. This evening, I was driving in a jam-packed Bangkok traffic. I was shifting into another lane and had to slow down to let a fast-driving motorcycle taxi go ahead. I generally do not like these motorcycle taxis due to their aggressive driving, and I did have an accident with one of them once. Perhaps, my face clearly showed my distaste, and because the motorcycle driver turned and looked at me, he saw it. The guy parked his bike in front of my car, steered backward, got off his bike and walked towards me. I was stupid enough to lower my window and had arguments with him! And, by the way, before this incident, I was listening to Ajahn Jayasaro's dhamma talk, not some anger-inducing rock music. Clearly, his peaceful messages reached to the level of about my skull, not my cerebrum, and it was definitely not absorbed into my mind.
Anyhow, due to my really short hair, he thought I was male. And once he saw my face closely and heard my voice, he said "Good that you are female; else, I'd punch you in your face!", while pointing his finger in my face.
By the way, this was the first road rage I've encountered. So far, all my collateral parties in car accidents were nice and understanding though I was at fault. No harsh words and certainly no threats of physical assaults.
Of course, I was enraged, partly at this guy, but mostly at myself. What the hell was I thinking!! The guy could have hurt me, and I could have just ended it by giving him an apology (though I definitely wouldn't mean it). Despite all the training, I sort of failed the anger test. Well, at least, I got myself together rather quickly afterward. And I did give myself credits for that. Or the thanks should go to all my spiritual teachers and, of course, hours and hours of Vipassana training.
Somehow I'm thankful for all the unexpected "challenges." It sort of gives me some benchmark on how far I am in my practice which, sadly, isn't very far. Well, every experience is indeed a practice until I can witness the ultimate truth, is it not?
Anyhow, due to my really short hair, he thought I was male. And once he saw my face closely and heard my voice, he said "Good that you are female; else, I'd punch you in your face!", while pointing his finger in my face.
By the way, this was the first road rage I've encountered. So far, all my collateral parties in car accidents were nice and understanding though I was at fault. No harsh words and certainly no threats of physical assaults.
Of course, I was enraged, partly at this guy, but mostly at myself. What the hell was I thinking!! The guy could have hurt me, and I could have just ended it by giving him an apology (though I definitely wouldn't mean it). Despite all the training, I sort of failed the anger test. Well, at least, I got myself together rather quickly afterward. And I did give myself credits for that. Or the thanks should go to all my spiritual teachers and, of course, hours and hours of Vipassana training.
Somehow I'm thankful for all the unexpected "challenges." It sort of gives me some benchmark on how far I am in my practice which, sadly, isn't very far. Well, every experience is indeed a practice until I can witness the ultimate truth, is it not?
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