To me, the main benefit of rational thinking is that it makes me willing to tolerate. If only I can make sense out of it, then I'm fine. I can accept whatever is happening. Even when I cannot rationalize, I just need to know when it will end. Being left in the dark and unable to do anything is very, very frustrating.
Normalcy in my life, or in most Bangkok citizens' lives, is increasingly in jeopardy. This entire week is declared public holidays in Bangkok to make people stay at home. Many downtown streets are closed. Though stuff that I enjoy and my work can be done at home, like yoga, knitting, reading, and writing, I just feel that my "freedom" is limited.
I realize, hey, I'm attached to the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want, aren't I? Now that I can't, the control freak inside of me struggles to accept it. Well, I know, I know... I should be grateful when things are not going my way as these glitches force me to reflect. Darn...despite all the practices, all the dhamma talks...I can only get this far...
I've always been confident in my ability and tenacity, but Vipassana practice requires entirely another set of skills that go against my worldly training. I'm not discouraged but I must admit that it is tougher than I thought.
Yesterday I was slightly depressed but today I am loosened up a bit. I complained to one of my friends that I caved in the entire day yesterday and thus bored myself to death. And he said that he was always happy whenever he got to stay at home. I realize...my goodness, I'm so not a nun. If I were to become one, I'd defintely be a pilgrim type....
Suddenly this poem (it is in fact a prayer) came into my mind. I only select the part that I like:
Normalcy in my life, or in most Bangkok citizens' lives, is increasingly in jeopardy. This entire week is declared public holidays in Bangkok to make people stay at home. Many downtown streets are closed. Though stuff that I enjoy and my work can be done at home, like yoga, knitting, reading, and writing, I just feel that my "freedom" is limited.
I realize, hey, I'm attached to the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want, aren't I? Now that I can't, the control freak inside of me struggles to accept it. Well, I know, I know... I should be grateful when things are not going my way as these glitches force me to reflect. Darn...despite all the practices, all the dhamma talks...I can only get this far...
I've always been confident in my ability and tenacity, but Vipassana practice requires entirely another set of skills that go against my worldly training. I'm not discouraged but I must admit that it is tougher than I thought.
Yesterday I was slightly depressed but today I am loosened up a bit. I complained to one of my friends that I caved in the entire day yesterday and thus bored myself to death. And he said that he was always happy whenever he got to stay at home. I realize...my goodness, I'm so not a nun. If I were to become one, I'd defintely be a pilgrim type....
Suddenly this poem (it is in fact a prayer) came into my mind. I only select the part that I like:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
~ Reinhold Niebuhr
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