My beloved girl friend texted me that she was reading a dhamma book by Ajahn W. Vajiramedhi and was thinking of me. I wondered, hmm..., I just don't feel anything... Of course, it was nice to be thought of, but I was amazed to observe that being told as such resulted in no butterflies in my stomach or tingling in the chest. Had these words been said by someone whom I'm currently head-over-heels with, I might be so uplifted that my feet won't touch the ground for a day or two.
Also today, the guy whom I used to have a crush on called via Facebook. I was like, wow!!, I was into this guy for five years and now no special sensation whatsoever remains: no yearning, no desire. He's still a very good friend, someone whom I can count on, but the feeling is just no longer there. As someone said, "our memories are designed to fade..." But it seems that mine is especially badly manufactured as it is very leaky.
As if to prove a point once more, today I received a phone call from yet-another outdated object of my affection, it didn't cause any stir in my psyche either...
I suppose I was hit by the very fact that things, words, memories, are valuable or not because of my bias, my preferences. I attach my own subjective values to them. And this value system is ever impermanent and illogical. I fall in love; I fall out of love. I get excited; I get bored. I'm into it; I'm out of it. Theoretically speaking, our emotions are very instantaneous; we sense one feeling at a time. Like, you can't taste the food while hearing the conversation. Either tasting or hearing. The next moment, whatever feeling changes---intensify, subside, disappear, transform---with or without our consents. Well, my awareness sensor is not that sharp to truly witness one emotion snapshot at a time yet (hence, the practices...).
I was reminded of Luangpor Chah's teaching: หลงโลกย์คือหลงอารมณ์ To be lost in this world is to be indulging in emotions. But it takes lots of practices over perhaps many lifetimes to disengage my sense of self from my emotions.
Also today, the guy whom I used to have a crush on called via Facebook. I was like, wow!!, I was into this guy for five years and now no special sensation whatsoever remains: no yearning, no desire. He's still a very good friend, someone whom I can count on, but the feeling is just no longer there. As someone said, "our memories are designed to fade..." But it seems that mine is especially badly manufactured as it is very leaky.
As if to prove a point once more, today I received a phone call from yet-another outdated object of my affection, it didn't cause any stir in my psyche either...
I suppose I was hit by the very fact that things, words, memories, are valuable or not because of my bias, my preferences. I attach my own subjective values to them. And this value system is ever impermanent and illogical. I fall in love; I fall out of love. I get excited; I get bored. I'm into it; I'm out of it. Theoretically speaking, our emotions are very instantaneous; we sense one feeling at a time. Like, you can't taste the food while hearing the conversation. Either tasting or hearing. The next moment, whatever feeling changes---intensify, subside, disappear, transform---with or without our consents. Well, my awareness sensor is not that sharp to truly witness one emotion snapshot at a time yet (hence, the practices...).
I was reminded of Luangpor Chah's teaching: หลงโลกย์คือหลงอารมณ์ To be lost in this world is to be indulging in emotions. But it takes lots of practices over perhaps many lifetimes to disengage my sense of self from my emotions.
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