I didn't think that I hadn't written my blog for this long. I guess I didn't want to write when I wasn't very satisfied with myself.
Anyhow, I just took a German guest (he's from one of the universities in the US) of our program chair to a spa and to a dinner and discovered that my spoken English wasn't that rotten, thanks to writing blogs in English. This activity is equivalent to talking to myself.
I was very proud of myself that I didn't flirt with this guy at all. Considering his resume quality, personality, and look, had I been my previous self, I would definitely put some effort in entertaining him. But yesterday, I did it as a part of my job as he's our visitor. It wasn't that he's not interesting, but more that I'm not interested.
I found that as I get older and know my preferences, I'm not wasting time trying something or someone whom I'm sure are not what I like. Am I a snob? Am I being too judgmental? I suppose so. But I think my ability to assess people also improves over time.
I took this guest to a supermarket and we walked past the wine section. He asked if I drank. I said, no. He asked if it was because of a religious reason. I said, yes, and also because it made me lose an ability to control myself. I was going to say, "it makes me unmindful." But I didn't think he'd understand, and I wasn't in the mood to explain why mindfulness matters. And I realized, there is no way I could go out, as in having a romantic relationship, with someone who is clueless about the Vipassana practice. He went on to say that, you know, a glass of wine is ok. I was going to say that, as much as a single match can burn down the whole house, a glass of alcohol can cause as much damage. Again, I didn't think he'd comprehend that either, so I just smiled. Not that I looked down on his intelligence, but I wasn't so keen in enlightening anyone besides myself.
He asked what I do in my free time besides getting massages. I said, going to yoga classes and going for a jog. I was going to say, I do formal meditation practices, go to monasteries and listen to dhamma talks. But I didn't think he'd get it so I said, having two jobs keep me busy already.
I realized how much the Vipassana practice has become a core of my existence. It is a litmus test to see if I would find a guy interesting or not.
Going out last night made me feel that getting to know someone is quite mentally exhausting. Our conversation got more animated, of course, as time went by, but I found I wasn't that in to dating or explaining myself and my life to anyone that much. I suppose I don't feel that it matters. Of course, I do love to talk about myself, else I won't write this blog. But going on and on about oneself is rather boring and not really enriching. Or, maybe, he's not in my target group so I just didn't have an urge for an information exchange.
He reminded me of what I must have been liked, had I stayed in the US after my graduation. Thank goodness, I didn't. I like myself more than I did back then. I was just too bitter, cynical and self-centered.
My long-time friend, Duan, just read my blog and called last night to say that she liked it. It always kind of surprises me to hear that. Most of the time, I write because I find something noteworthy and I want to talk to someone, namely myself, about it. Most of my friends are quite busy and I can't talk to them all the time. And something are just too trivial to discuss. I suppose I am satisfied with my life now because I am a good friend with this self of mine.
Anyhow, I just took a German guest (he's from one of the universities in the US) of our program chair to a spa and to a dinner and discovered that my spoken English wasn't that rotten, thanks to writing blogs in English. This activity is equivalent to talking to myself.
I was very proud of myself that I didn't flirt with this guy at all. Considering his resume quality, personality, and look, had I been my previous self, I would definitely put some effort in entertaining him. But yesterday, I did it as a part of my job as he's our visitor. It wasn't that he's not interesting, but more that I'm not interested.
I found that as I get older and know my preferences, I'm not wasting time trying something or someone whom I'm sure are not what I like. Am I a snob? Am I being too judgmental? I suppose so. But I think my ability to assess people also improves over time.
I took this guest to a supermarket and we walked past the wine section. He asked if I drank. I said, no. He asked if it was because of a religious reason. I said, yes, and also because it made me lose an ability to control myself. I was going to say, "it makes me unmindful." But I didn't think he'd understand, and I wasn't in the mood to explain why mindfulness matters. And I realized, there is no way I could go out, as in having a romantic relationship, with someone who is clueless about the Vipassana practice. He went on to say that, you know, a glass of wine is ok. I was going to say that, as much as a single match can burn down the whole house, a glass of alcohol can cause as much damage. Again, I didn't think he'd comprehend that either, so I just smiled. Not that I looked down on his intelligence, but I wasn't so keen in enlightening anyone besides myself.
He asked what I do in my free time besides getting massages. I said, going to yoga classes and going for a jog. I was going to say, I do formal meditation practices, go to monasteries and listen to dhamma talks. But I didn't think he'd get it so I said, having two jobs keep me busy already.
I realized how much the Vipassana practice has become a core of my existence. It is a litmus test to see if I would find a guy interesting or not.
Going out last night made me feel that getting to know someone is quite mentally exhausting. Our conversation got more animated, of course, as time went by, but I found I wasn't that in to dating or explaining myself and my life to anyone that much. I suppose I don't feel that it matters. Of course, I do love to talk about myself, else I won't write this blog. But going on and on about oneself is rather boring and not really enriching. Or, maybe, he's not in my target group so I just didn't have an urge for an information exchange.
He reminded me of what I must have been liked, had I stayed in the US after my graduation. Thank goodness, I didn't. I like myself more than I did back then. I was just too bitter, cynical and self-centered.
My long-time friend, Duan, just read my blog and called last night to say that she liked it. It always kind of surprises me to hear that. Most of the time, I write because I find something noteworthy and I want to talk to someone, namely myself, about it. Most of my friends are quite busy and I can't talk to them all the time. And something are just too trivial to discuss. I suppose I am satisfied with my life now because I am a good friend with this self of mine.
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