At this day of internet and Google, doing a background check on someone is really easy. Information at one's finger tips. I just googled a guy whom I have a crush on, and it appears that he's not available. Being sour grapes and all, I was like, oh well, how much satisfaction would I derive from the relationship?. And he reminds me of a brand-name bag and a European car I used to covet. I was thrilled when I first got them, but the bliss was gone very soon afterward. As for the bag, the excitement disappeared just about when I signed my credit card. It still looks nice to me, and I like it. But I was like, hmm.., I need to use it for 200 days to get the most out of it.
Anyway, I've been driving quite a lot yesterday. Seeing Luangpor Pramote in the morning, going to see our Samutprakarn apartments and then going to Kaset to teach in the evening. I started to feel that I'm too wired, i.e., I check emails, twitter and facebook too often. This is like sickness. Information overload. I'm going to refrain from it until Monday. I'll see if I can resist myself. Somehow, I think all these conversation is just too much noise.
Even in the temple goers' circle, there are some conflicts and disagreements. I suppose it's natural as people come in different guises. And what is right for one may not be so for others. People run from one teacher to another seeking for advices. I suppose the idea of "mere observation" is really against human's nature, especially the Americanized ones, in that we think we need to work hard and then we shall get "something."
Luang Por often says that he feels tired when he checks out our "homework", i.e., reports on our practice. Yesterday was the first time that I feel the urge to spend more time in his presence because I don't know what will happen. Also, I saw how frequently my envy arises when Luangpor complimented on other people's practice.
Seeing myself struggling in craving for something is good. Like a test to see if I get anywhere in my Vipassana practice. I know, theoretically, that getting it brings me only temporary happiness, and yet I want it. This is the difference between intellectual wisdom and experiential wisdom then.
Anyway, I've been driving quite a lot yesterday. Seeing Luangpor Pramote in the morning, going to see our Samutprakarn apartments and then going to Kaset to teach in the evening. I started to feel that I'm too wired, i.e., I check emails, twitter and facebook too often. This is like sickness. Information overload. I'm going to refrain from it until Monday. I'll see if I can resist myself. Somehow, I think all these conversation is just too much noise.
Even in the temple goers' circle, there are some conflicts and disagreements. I suppose it's natural as people come in different guises. And what is right for one may not be so for others. People run from one teacher to another seeking for advices. I suppose the idea of "mere observation" is really against human's nature, especially the Americanized ones, in that we think we need to work hard and then we shall get "something."
Luang Por often says that he feels tired when he checks out our "homework", i.e., reports on our practice. Yesterday was the first time that I feel the urge to spend more time in his presence because I don't know what will happen. Also, I saw how frequently my envy arises when Luangpor complimented on other people's practice.
Seeing myself struggling in craving for something is good. Like a test to see if I get anywhere in my Vipassana practice. I know, theoretically, that getting it brings me only temporary happiness, and yet I want it. This is the difference between intellectual wisdom and experiential wisdom then.
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